How common is bullying in swimming clubs? - Page 15

manic porpoise · 11-11-2009, 10:52 PM

I'm afraid I cannot offer any advice Taxing, but I really hope you can get a satisfactory conclusion.

When I was 15 there was bullying within my team. The less capable swimmers picked on the most talented swimmer on the team because they were jealous. This person suffered in many ways and ended up stopping swimming. I have reason to believe this swimmer would have gone on to win medals at major championships if the bullying hadn't occurred.

Taxing · 11-11-2009, 10:52 PM

No it was done in a malicious way by the club secretary - she got the head coach to take over - naturally asked him to do it, nothing said to me etc - I actually kept my cool (dangerous standing beside a pool and p*ssing someone off) and waited until the next session to speak to the coach in question who sympathised but "was asked to do it"

I said I'd leave it in his hands and let him come back to me

That was almost a month ago and I have emailed for an update but no reply as of yet

Taxing · 11-11-2009, 10:56 PM

Mp that's dreadful

I don't claim my daughter to be anywhere near that good, but she is improving, getting towards regional times and still agrees to swim for the second rank club.

But I am at the point where I refuse to walk away and let someone else have to suffer similarly.

It turns out that other families have been effectively driven away by nepotism type behaviour but I am somewhat thicker skinned than many.....

GettingFaster · 11-11-2009, 11:10 PM

Who was the ref at the meet? Anything that happens with the officials, even in a little internal gala, is the responsibility of the referee, and only the referee should deal with the officials, not the head coach.

I'm sure there's an ASA department that might be able to help, but you might need to wait for someone like chris_lamb to come along and point you in the right direction.

Taxing · 11-11-2009, 11:16 PM

As it happens I will be speaking to the ref on that night tomorrow morning as he is also the club chair

he wasn't aware of what happened it seems....

Linny · 12-11-2009, 08:49 AM

Taxing, the way you tell it certainly does sound wrong but I really don't think that the way you are airing every little detail from your own personal perspective in the way that you have is right. When you have what is presumably your picture as your avatar it is just a bit too personal and you really would be better off dealing with it in a less public way.

And by the way, it's eloquent, not elloquent.

Taxing · 12-11-2009, 04:37 PM

I know it is Linny

I can spell, just not type

Gina · 13-11-2009, 10:45 AM

Taxing you have tried to be polite and civil but some people will never change. As it is your daughters second ranked club now can she survive if she doesn't have any affiliation with them? (basically only have one club) I'd suggest you stop worrying about her old club and cut ties with it so she can concentrate on her new club. Harsh but you seem to be bending over backwards to please the club, your daughter and then try to change things that are very hard too. I've heard of committees pretty much ruining clubs because of one or two peoples views. People try and help but nothing can be done. At the end of the day the club will start to suffer and they will realise their mistakes.

comeondarlo · 13-11-2009, 11:20 AM

I'm new to this forum, 4th post I've made (I think).

I found this thread late last night and found it very interesting. I didn't have time to read it all last night but found time this morning to finish it. There's a number issues in this thread that interest me.

I have to say Gina's last post hit home for me. My son swam with a 'smaller' home town club and left for a 'bigger' club two years ago. He's never looked back, although I found it difficult to let go of the original club. I liked the club, liked the other parents/kids and coaches but basically my son had out grown his original club and needed to move on.

I suspect the same thing will happen with Taxing's daughter and as Gina says you really need to cut the ties with the original club. It causes more grief/jealousy if you stay in contact.

Just to add my son wasn't bullied but he simply out grew them. I didn't really understand this at the time but fully get in now. That added to some very strange committee decisions forced our hands.

Good luck for the future, great thread.

Taxing · 13-11-2009, 02:17 PM

Not quite as simple as that as my 3rd eldest daughter actually swims there still and is in the life saving section too.

But thanks once more for all your comments - plenty to think about!

Laugh Out Loud · 13-11-2009, 03:37 PM

Get the clubs complaint procedure and follow it to the letter however then you
would have to go to ASA I assume as I am in Scotland. What you will find though if you have a committee who have been there for years they will probably not be interested but they have to deal with the complaint. Keep it professional and tell no one in the club what you are doing except the secretary that way if it gets out someone has talked who shouldn't have. I assume ASA will ensure procedures are followed as I know that is important to SASA . It is a long drawn out matter and you have to decide if it is what you want to do.

Taxing · 29-08-2011, 05:20 PM

Just thought I'd resurrect this thread to say that I now know the necessary procedures inside out.

Had enough of seeing it happen at other clubs too and so took the step and became CWO at one of my daughters' clubs.

There will always be some bullying it seems but if the swimmers are educated better as to what they should do then it seems things can be sorted in a much more satisfactory manner.

12-11-2009, 08:49 AM	#216
Linny Fairy Princess Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Fantasy Fairyland Posts: 5,837	Taxing, the way you tell it certainly does sound wrong but I really don't think that the way you are airing every little detail from your own personal perspective in the way that you have is right. When you have what is presumably your picture as your avatar it is just a bit too personal and you really would be better off dealing with it in a less public way. And by the way, it's eloquent, not elloquent. __________________ I want it all, I want it now and I want it covered in chocolate... ______________________________________ My feet smell of roses!

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11-11-2009, 10:52 PM	#211
manic porpoise Established Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,238	I'm afraid I cannot offer any advice Taxing, but I really hope you can get a satisfactory conclusion. When I was 15 there was bullying within my team. The less capable swimmers picked on the most talented swimmer on the team because they were jealous. This person suffered in many ways and ended up stopping swimming. I have reason to believe this swimmer would have gone on to win medals at major championships if the bullying hadn't occurred.

11-11-2009, 10:52 PM	#212
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	No it was done in a malicious way by the club secretary - she got the head coach to take over - naturally asked him to do it, nothing said to me etc - I actually kept my cool (dangerous standing beside a pool and p*ssing someone off) and waited until the next session to speak to the coach in question who sympathised but "was asked to do it" I said I'd leave it in his hands and let him come back to me That was almost a month ago and I have emailed for an update but no reply as of yet

11-11-2009, 10:56 PM	#213
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	Mp that's dreadful I don't claim my daughter to be anywhere near that good, but she is improving, getting towards regional times and still agrees to swim for the second rank club. But I am at the point where I refuse to walk away and let someone else have to suffer similarly. It turns out that other families have been effectively driven away by nepotism type behaviour but I am somewhat thicker skinned than many.....

11-11-2009, 11:10 PM	#214
GettingFaster Established Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 8,301	Who was the ref at the meet? Anything that happens with the officials, even in a little internal gala, is the responsibility of the referee, and only the referee should deal with the officials, not the head coach. I'm sure there's an ASA department that might be able to help, but you might need to wait for someone like chris_lamb to come along and point you in the right direction.

11-11-2009, 11:16 PM	#215
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	As it happens I will be speaking to the ref on that night tomorrow morning as he is also the club chair he wasn't aware of what happened it seems....

12-11-2009, 04:37 PM	#217
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	I know it is Linny I can spell, just not type

13-11-2009, 10:45 AM	#218
Gina Registered User Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: London Posts: 2,061	Taxing you have tried to be polite and civil but some people will never change. As it is your daughters second ranked club now can she survive if she doesn't have any affiliation with them? (basically only have one club) I'd suggest you stop worrying about her old club and cut ties with it so she can concentrate on her new club. Harsh but you seem to be bending over backwards to please the club, your daughter and then try to change things that are very hard too. I've heard of committees pretty much ruining clubs because of one or two peoples views. People try and help but nothing can be done. At the end of the day the club will start to suffer and they will realise their mistakes.

13-11-2009, 11:20 AM	#219
comeondarlo Established Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 651	I'm new to this forum, 4th post I've made (I think). I found this thread late last night and found it very interesting. I didn't have time to read it all last night but found time this morning to finish it. There's a number issues in this thread that interest me. I have to say Gina's last post hit home for me. My son swam with a 'smaller' home town club and left for a 'bigger' club two years ago. He's never looked back, although I found it difficult to let go of the original club. I liked the club, liked the other parents/kids and coaches but basically my son had out grown his original club and needed to move on. I suspect the same thing will happen with Taxing's daughter and as Gina says you really need to cut the ties with the original club. It causes more grief/jealousy if you stay in contact. Just to add my son wasn't bullied but he simply out grew them. I didn't really understand this at the time but fully get in now. That added to some very strange committee decisions forced our hands. Good luck for the future, great thread.

13-11-2009, 02:17 PM	#220
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	Not quite as simple as that as my 3rd eldest daughter actually swims there still and is in the life saving section too. But thanks once more for all your comments - plenty to think about!

13-11-2009, 03:37 PM	#221
Laugh Out Loud Established Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: swimming pools Posts: 434	Get the clubs complaint procedure and follow it to the letter however then you would have to go to ASA I assume as I am in Scotland. What you will find though if you have a committee who have been there for years they will probably not be interested but they have to deal with the complaint. Keep it professional and tell no one in the club what you are doing except the secretary that way if it gets out someone has talked who shouldn't have. I assume ASA will ensure procedures are followed as I know that is important to SASA . It is a long drawn out matter and you have to decide if it is what you want to do.

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29-08-2011, 05:20 PM	#222
Taxing Established Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Kent Posts: 853	Just thought I'd resurrect this thread to say that I now know the necessary procedures inside out. Had enough of seeing it happen at other clubs too and so took the step and became CWO at one of my daughters' clubs. There will always be some bullying it seems but if the swimmers are educated better as to what they should do then it seems things can be sorted in a much more satisfactory manner.