WARNING "Adult only content" Friday - Joke day part 2

[KatieBun]

Brad, a local beachgoer, couldn't even get a second look from any of the girls on the beach. So he headed over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard had any advice for him.

"Dude, it's obvious," said the lifeguard. "You're wearing those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You'll have all the babes you can handle."

The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his brand-spanking-new tight Speedo and his potato, and it's not long before he approaches the lifeguard tower once more.

"For cryin' out loud," said Brad, "it's worse than before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laughing! What's wrong now?"

"Jeez, Brad!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"

[Matthew]

Originally Posted by KatieBun

"Jeez, Brad!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!"

Boom boom!

[Juicy Lucy]

What's the Liverpudlian boy who lives next door getting for Christmas?

Your TV and your microwave.
_____________________________

Youre in your car and you see a Liverpudlian on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

It might be your bike.
______________________________

What do Liverpudlian girls use as protection during sex?

A bus shelter.

[Juicy Lucy]

The pilot and cabin crew were faced with this when arriving at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport this morning at 7.00 am...

[Juicy Lucy]

.

[Spidey]

From 2005 magazine I have. Any takers for the full publication?

[Matthew]

Originally Posted by Spidey

From 2005 magazine I have. Any takers for the full publication?

Yes, please, I'd like to see the rest.

[Spidey]

Originally Posted by Matthew

Yes, please, I'd like to see the rest.

pm me with your address and I'll pop it in the post. From Swimmingworld magazine April 2006. Not just about old Matser swimmers.

[Juicy Lucy]

A guy working at Walgreen's Pharmacy had been fired. This appeared on his last day at work.

[zanshin]

Mrs Zanshin was very upset. She came home to find that Mr Zanshin had nailed all her sex toys to the wall. She looked at the wall then, turning to Mr Zanshin, she said ‘you daft ba5t4rd, I said I wanted a “dado rail”’!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tewson Veste]

Originally Posted by zanshin

Mrs Zanshin was very upset. She came home to find that Mr Zanshin had nailed all her sex toys to the wall. She looked at the wall then, turning to Mr Zanshin, she said ‘you daft ba5t4rd, I said I wanted a “dado rail”’!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Chuckle Zanshin.

[Juicy Lucy]

Keep this tip in mind when your windscreen wiper motor fails...

[KatieBun]

Do not jest, oh mighty, JL! Mr KB actually had to do this in 1984 on a snowy trip from Basingstoke to Glasgow, when something on the car's wiper system failed part way through the trip.

[Mermaiden]

This is TOO good! Yes, this IS what they would do if they were still here!
Read on:
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You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money..
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes.. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'......….…

[laserblazer]

Originally Posted by KatieBun

Do not jest, oh mighty, JL! Mr KB actually had to do this in 1984 on a snowy trip from Basingstoke to Glasgow, when something on the car's wiper system failed part way through the trip.

Had to do it on my A35 once (or twice)